For my next blog post I was actually planning on talking about kinks and how mine are a little weird and sometimes oddly specific, but it wasn't coming out right. And then I heard a song on the radio that annoys me deeply, so I figured I'd rant about that for a couple of paragraphs.

I watched a comedy bit on youtube once that says that listening to the lyrics of a song will completely ruin it for you (if you want to watch it, it's here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0S8wBNoiv90 ). I find that this is generally not the case, but for this song I have to completely agree. Though in all honesty, I didn't actually like the song in the first place, since it sounds kind of whiny.

What song am I talking about? I hear you cry. James Blunt's "You're Beautiful". I apologize in advance to anyone who likes this song.

It starts out okay, except for the whiny singing part, and then it turns into this weird... I don't even know how to describe it. Let me quote lyrics.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.


Okay, so far normal right? Sounds like it's going to be a standard schmoopy love song.

She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.


Still not too bad, I guess. Unless dude's plan is to kill the guy she's with, then that would be pretty terrible. But the first annoying thing about this song is that the plan he's all fired up about in that last line never makes an appearance again. It goes straight into the chorus, and there's no plan of action in sight.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.


So... this woman's only distinguishing feature is that she has greater than average looks. And dude saw her for all of thirty seconds and is now crooning songs of eternal woe at not having a chance to be with her. First off, she seems to be attached already (though for all we know the man she's with is just a friend, or a brother or something). Secondly, how does this guy know that she doesn't have a hideous personality, or that their interests and goals don't completely clash? I may be over-analyzing a stupid pop song, but there is something deeply wrong with this guy's mindset. Thirty seconds is not enough to create a deep attachment over anything. Not a woman, not a sandwich, not a pet.

Okay maybe a pet, but kittens are fluffy wuffy adorable.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high,


Two things. High is right; you've gotta be high for this to make any rational sense. And how does he know what she could see? He doesn't know her.

And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.


That first line is the one that makes the most sense in this entire travesty. The second one... eh. Dude may have had a moment, but again he doesn't know her. Whatever moment he may have felt could have just been indigestion for her. Or something. And last till the end of what? The day? His lunch break?

Oh boy, more chorus coming up. We'll skip the repetition because we already know what I think about the chorus. I just want to say that this is the part of the song that sounds the whiniest. Did this song seriously get onto the top 100 list? I should probably check, but I think my faith in humanity might dip a little lower than normal if I do.

LAST PART thank god

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.

Delusions are awesome. If some theological entity decided that this guy should be with someone, wouldn't it stand to reason that said entity would put into place more of a meeting than just a random encounter on the subway where no words are exchanged? Unless this guy feels like this about every beautiful woman he has a non-encounter with. It makes me think that this guy might write ballads about the women he sees in television advertisements.

And that's just a little creepy.

But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.


It's a good rule to end with sanity. And that's what we get at least. Not to say he won't ever see this woman again, but the chances are low for a repeat of this non-encounter. At least he recognizes it and can admit it. Admitting it is the first step to recovery after all.

And... I think that's all the snark I have in me for this song. I don't expect epic poetry in my popular music, but I do expect the level of creepy to be less than what is displayed here. Are my standards too high?

Funnily enough, that same comedian wrote a parody love song that goes together perfectly with this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPSAXc2tEoo
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